On this day 8 years ago, my life changed in a way that I never could have anticipated.
On August 9, 2008, my best friend Patrick took his own life at my home.
Suicide is an absolute game changer, nothing in this world has ever felt the same since that day.
I see everything in a different light than I once did. I look at people differently.
I look at situations and sense things that I never did before.
The fragility of life has given me an awareness that I never had before that day.
Patrick suffered from depression/anxiety/panic disorder.
These 3 disorders together can prove to be a deadly mix if not treated.
I didn't know all this then. How could I have known?
And that is what suicide does right there...it creates all of these questions inside of you.
How could I have not known?
Could I have said something, done anything different to prevent this outcome?
Did I say or do something that encouraged this outcome?
The questions eat at you every single day. It can drive you crazy if you let it.
I have learned how to quiet the questions on most days but there are still days that they scream so loudly that I cannot ignore them.
So I have learned to ride the wave, go over it all once again in my mind and reassure myself that this was not about me, this was not my fault.
But then the realization hits me once more that it doesn't matter who is to blame because Patrick is gone and no amount of reasoning will ever bring him back.....
And then all I can really do is just breathe.
I shift my focus to the days before, the years before...to all of the laughter...because we had some really good times. He was so funny, so witty, he was a good guy, a great friend. If I concentrate, I can hear him and his sarcastic tone and soon I am smiling once again..
Suicide has a way of taking memories and shoving them to the side. People who die by suicide are so often remembered for the way they died instead of the way that they lived.
I try not to allow this to happen because Patrick's life was more than just how he died.
DEPRESSION IS AN ILLNESS THAT IF LEFT UNTREATED CAN LEAD TO ANXIETY AND PANIC DISORDERS . KNOW THE SYMPTOMS, IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE OR THE LIFE OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE.
IF YOU THINK YOU ARE ALONE, THINK AGAIN.
HERE YOU WILL FIND INFORMATION
THAT MAY BE HELPFUL AND FIND PEOPLE THAT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN THERE.
Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support
or visit Patrick's Blog
Suicide is No Solution
I also wrote a news article here on Deviantart right after he died about his Suicide with the details of what happened that day. The article turned into something I did not expect and to this date there have been over 500 comments. It was actually my therapy those first few years to answer every comment. I still check it for comments even today.
Here is the link to that Article
In memory of...
June 12, 1965 - August 9, 2008
~May You Finally Find Some Peace~