UPDATE

Sandy's Guestbook [link] She will cherish the messages.
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Sandy went into surgery about 12:30 this afternoon.
(I have been pacing)
The worst is over. Sandy chose to have a double mastectomy and the doctors have come out to say they feel they got it all. Sandy is still in surgery but now undergoing the reconstructive phase.  Thank you all for your prayers. I can breathe now.

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Sandy and I were up almost all night long researching every word of her pathology report. Her doctor appointment is not until Tuesday and that is much too long to not know what this all means so together we were on a mission to sort through it. I would research and print and then I would hand it to her to read and go back to researching and printing. By 3am we had the entire couch covered in paperwork the table too. We were exhausted, emotionally drained from this entire week. I have tried to stay positive because I know how important a person’s attitude is in getting through this but sitting there surrounded by paperwork, I looked at her and just felt so scared.
It took all I had to fight back the tears; all of a sudden every moment we had ever spent together was right there with us, this amazing friendship, unique almost, a friendship we stumbled upon by accident. There it was and there we were in this place of searching for answers, sifting through words and numbers that are suppose to represent what is going on inside of her but nothing on those papers represented was truly going on inside of her; suddenly in a situation she had not prepared for, not yet. So many things left to do, people to see, things that needed to still be said, always assuming that tomorrow is only a day away but now the threat that tomorrow may never come, the possibility that all of the things she has yet to do.....are done.

Sandy is a fighter and will not allow cancer to beat her, this I know. Cancer has finally met its match in Sandy but despite the outcome of this, despite a positive attitude, inside of her she knows this is a threat.

I guess I never saw this side of cancer, I have known people throughout my lifetime that have survived this diagnosis but I wasn’t close enough to the battle to see this side of it. Sandy however, is my best friend and I am witnessing the impact of this disease in a way I never have before. I am seeing first hand what a person goes through when they feel there life may be coming to end and it’s a scary place to be but not because of the actual threat of death, it is scary because of the threat of the undone…

I have always been a believer in the power of today, the importance of now but sitting with Sandy in these moments has made me understand it so much more. This life is just so temporary and the people we love seem to pass on through, each of them leaving with us a part of themselves for us to carry in our own way. The only thing we can really count on is that they are only passing through, that we are only passing through and we never know for how long.

We are all so concerned with the future; we plan for everything in advance. We spend so much time investing in what ‘will come’ but the only thing that is really important is ‘what is here right now’. Right now is the only thing that we can really count on; there are no guarantees for any of us.

We live in such a busy world so full of day to day events that are really unimportant when looking at the entire picture. In the end it won’t matter how much money we made, or how big our house was, the car we drove will mean even less.  Our legacy will be who we loved, the lives we touched. If we really want to live forever, the only way to do this is to feel love and to give it because once a person has you in their heart you will never really be gone, you will live on within them forever.

I am proud of Sandy today and I admire her more than ever before because the things that matter to her are the things that really matter. She is ready to face this battle and I am ready to stand there beside her holding her hand. Her strength is amazing but her soul is unbelievable. I am so thankful I know her.


The Update

As you just read the pathology report is in....but not all of it. We are waiting for prognostic markers to define a treatment plan. Sandy does in fact have breast cancer but will not really know the full details until her appointment on Tuesday. I will update you all as soon as I find out. Thank you for all of your prayers.

P.S.- I have decided to keep the photographs below in my journal for a while, it makes Sandy smile when she sees them there and I like it when she is smiling.

Some of you know of Sandy through my work ,she has been a model for me...



And she is the mom of some of my models...






Sandy's Farm....



And other friends from Sandy's Farm....